Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

Strengths & Weaknesses

Thursday, October 31st, 2013

Kiki and ABR800 ring flash with moon unit
A wise person once told me that the most productive and creative people on the planet journal consistently. I keep a black journal on me at all times (well, almost). A lot more ideas go into it than I share publicly, but still I have not felt creative lately. Despite being someone whom creates constantly, I have felt productive  but not creative.

One thing I HAVE done lately is acquire some camera equipment that I’ve been thinking about getting for years and years. One such item is a 56″ moon unit reflector soft box to use with my trusted ABR800 ringflash light. This off-camera tool with allow me to do more fancy lighting with more consistency and control. I’m still not crazy about artificial lighting but it’s nice to have when you’re looking to book a larger variety of gigs.

Some people say “don’t show weakness”. I don’t know if I’m into that. I always feel much more human when I just show you my cards.

I struggle with comparing myself to others, both in positive and negative ways. Todd Roeth is always five steps ahead of me in the most endearing way and I owe a huge part of who I am to the possibilities that he’s shown me just by living his life with intense purpose. Both Nessa K and Nadine Latief have created booming photography businesses (far more successful than mine in many ways), yet I still remember meeting with them to talk about camera stuff as they were getting started. Noël Wells has made her way to Saturday Night Live, and I remember sitting in the same improv workshop as her. All these people have really taken off with their careers and creativity and sometimes I wonder if I’m not asking enough of myself. This is a bizarre feeling because I don’t necessarily want the same lives that these folks have achieved. I have a lot of interests and I pursue all of them equally. Every since I was thirteen, I have asked myself: Is it better to pour all your passion into one focus, or do all the stuff you want at the same time. I can’t say I’m not jealous of other people sometimes. But I can say that I’m extremely excited for these people. I just sometimes forget that I’m uber-lucky too and constantly asking the question “am I doing what I want?”.

This post doesn’t have a strong focus. I’m completely fine with that. I feel much better for writing it.

 

Wannabe Elitists vs. Elitists

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

Townlake Dusk in Summer

The wannabe-elitist constructs and climbs their own social hierarchy based on where their interests and goals lie. A pure elitist sees through those games and considers themselves above all of them. I would like to strive for neither, although it seems impossible. The wannabee-elitist is self-serving and considers those who don’t want to play the game as flakes, or lazy, undriven, not up for the challenge, etc… The pure elitist’s philosophy, however, is prone to ennui, often caused by a rebellion against the wannabe-elitists. I don’t know which one I fit into more. All I know is… nice guys don’t finish last, they just don’t run the race because they don’t understand it or think it’s fleeting.

I’m just so tired of all of it. It’s hard not to imagine what others think of your actions. You can’t make them understand. You just have to not care. That’s the only real power you have.

On Attachment

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

“Not in my name, you don’t speak for me
I am my voice, and I want to scream
You want my air, you want my life
I act as one, but I’m not alone.”

– Jimmy Eat World

Dear Journal

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

I can’t wait to make / find time for you again.

There’s so much to talk about! So much to show!